Good morrow, glamazons and shady mechanicals. Full of vexation come I, with complaint, against a herd of sylphs who just one week ago entered stage in a convivial burst of flora and fauna, and yet whom, in the klieg light of a new reality competition day, have storm-clouded the workroom’s previously merry weather.

Last week’s premiere episode was like a great first date. Everyone looked their best, the conversation sparkled, difficult subjects were avoided, and we felt the first squirts of oxytocin bond us to this exciting new group of queens. We made bubble-lettered lists of baby names, and casually browsed listings for country houses. This week, however, they became the kind of second-date nightmares that complain about their ex-wives and claim that Prince is overrated. Unmatch.

A shrieking chorus of “what had happeneds” ripped the episode open as barbed accusations flew between Miz Cracker and the 21-year-old fashion queen Aquaria. These two New York girls have a longstanding rivalry, rooted in their striking physical resemblance and tendency to be confused for one another, and in a flashback to last week’s Untucked, they stewed and sneered and spat over who wore some yellow dress first.

The feud is so petty and tedious, I refused to watch the excerpted episode in which its finer points were presumably elucidated, as an act of self-care. Ladies, can’t you see that you are long-lost twins, and the workroom is the summer camp at which you will find each other and plot a trap to reunite your drag parents?

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